No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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