I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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