I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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