im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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