So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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