worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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