the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
