this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
