you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
