I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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