so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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