I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
