She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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