Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
