There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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