Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
love makes seman taste better
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
