She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
