I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
