i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she told me i tasted like america
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
