That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
