youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
