"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
