sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
