OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
