I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
