I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize