Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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