We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
