Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
