Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
