come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
