Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
