An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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