i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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