RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
