Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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