she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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