You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
