I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
