Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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