those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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