Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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