We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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