he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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