Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
