I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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