Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
