I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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