i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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