Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
