You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
