I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
