I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
