Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
