I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
