I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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