dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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