Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
