ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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