What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
