five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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