i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
