I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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