fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize