My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
