have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
