My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
