No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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