he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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