Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
