I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
