is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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