you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
